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Boating: Is it the proper place for a bikini?

June 29, 2011
By boatguy Ed


“Did you see that,” shouted to Reverend from the back of 'Bonita Tom's' deck boat. How could we miss it, we were up front and gawking. Boston Bob's wife and the Reverend were the only two on the boat that didn't appreciate the two young women sans their bikini tops.

“What is wrong with you old codgers,” asked BB's wife.

“That was totally inappropriate,” said the perpetual designated driver, Reverend Gene.

Being the sensitive type we didn't disagree because we don't want to lose him or we can't go to happy hour by boat or car. We forced the smiles from our lips and agreed. We were lying because we did enjoy the momentary exposure.

“From a pure aesthetic point of view I think it was great,” said Boston Bob in his analytical way. He received a punch on the shoulder from the misses but was determined to forge ahead. He had a point to make and, no matter how much the punch hurt his arm, he wasn't about to flinch. He was going to make a point. “It was choreographed perfectly.”

Feeling a bit emboldened by our fellow member of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club's” analytical prospective, we all agreed. “I like the way they waved,” said Erie Earl.

“I didn't even see them until the driver waved at us,” said 'boatyard Bob'.

“Yeah they popped up together like they rehearsed it. I'll bet they're Europeans. It's natural for European women to go topless,” said 'Zelienople Zeke' while trying to stifle a giggle.

“ZZ, you of all people should be horrified with those tarts. How can they expose sensitive skin to the hot summer rays? A doctor should have more sense than to find a cheap thrill from that action,” said BB's wife.

He was taken back by her criticism but recovered quickly. “I was just admiring the professional work of their implant artist!” He laughed so hard he nearly dropped his bottle of water.

“Disgusting, you're all disgusting!” She moved to the back of the boat in order to separate from the degenerates. We held our rhetorical comments because she is the proverbial 'backup designated driver.'

“Maybe we did overreact a bit. ZZ and Erie Earl were the only two who cheered. I did clap but it was an opera clap, not loud and boisterous,” I said. “How many ta-tas have you seen in 30 plus years of being a Doc, ZZ?”

“I was a GP, not a gynie. I did my share of exams but they were always wearing a paper sheet and there was a nurse present. This isn't the same. I cheered their youthful charm and playfulness. I appreciate their guts to flash a boatload of old people because they were having fun and I had fun seeing them.”

“The only thing I'd change is not having 'BB's' wife on board,” said Erie Earl.

“I heard that,” she said. How she could hear that whispered comment 20 feet away, with the motor running just feet away, is a modern miracle. “You perverts debase women when you encourage that kind of behavior and.... when you go and watch Bikini Bull riding at the Big Game Waterfront Grill!”

“You told her we went there,” ZZ asked Boston Bob. “You could have been permanent Club Commodore except you can't keep your mouth shut.

“We're very open with each other,” replied BB, “and besides that, she is just upset at our reaction to the bare-breasted girls. She knows as well as anyone what makes the world go round!”

“We only stayed through the practice rides and the girls were still wearing street clothes. None of us can stay up past 10:30 at night. I wish they did a matinee. It's age discrimination, that's what it is,” said several members in unison.

“I think it's a good idea all around. This time of year the places need to promote stuff. I enjoyed seeing the girls try to look good while hanging onto the Bull,” said Kentucky Tim. “I wish they'd let the guys ride the Mechanical Bull in between 'cause they want to ride at full speed!”

“I wish they did a matinee! Why not do a Saturday afternoon Matinee. You'd get a lot more participants from the beach. Maybe even those 'flashers' would show up,” said ZZ.

“The DJ constantly said, wardrobe malfunctions and or flashing will get the riders disqualified,” said KT. “It's a lot of clean fun and excitement.”

“Hey Rev, pull into Salty Sam's Marina. We've got some good suggestions for the manager,” I said.



Send comments to boatguiEd@aol.com. The author of this drivel is solely responsible for wasting your time. Go to www.boaterstreasures.com if you think he deserves a Pulitzer Prize nomination. Vote early and often!







 
 

 

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