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Boating: Turkey troubles and arguing members

November 23, 2011
by boatguy Ed , Fort Myers Beach Bulletin, Fort Myers Beach Observer

'Nu Joisey Norm' checked in for Thanksgiving. He's down for a week and determined to deep-fry a turkey this year after last year's deep-frying turkey exploded on his dock. "I defrosted that bugger three days. How was I to know there was still ice inside? This year I bought two fresh turkeys, never been frozen and they won't blow up."

"Your arms are coming around nicely," said Boston Bob. "You were so lucky not to have skin grafts."

"How many people are coming to your party," asked 'Bonita Billy.' Norm was unsure but he'd sent out at least 50 to the residents of the canal and his old neighbors in North Fort Myers.

"I'm not getting a lot of RSVP and I'm not sure why. The few people I've talked to either are going to see their grandkids up north or to a party at one of the service clubs. Last year we 38 but I'm really skeptical about this year," said Norm.

"It's the economy," said 'Ohio George' who is one of the most political members of our group. "Most of them have two choices for Thanksgiving -take the turkey to dinner or look for the cheapest turkey dinner."

"And who's fault is that," asked 'Chicago Sal' who is diametrically opposed to 'Ohio George's' conservative position.

I had one hand on the yellow flag in my pocket and the other on my silver plated referee's whistle, both of which I was ready to employ. The fine could reach as high as $25 for arguing politics in the clubhouse.

"I ain't goin' to argue with you," said George when he saw me poised to drop the flag on them. He had been fined $10 a year ago for saying the President was a non-citizen and a member of another religion other than his own. He refused to pay the fine and was excluded from meetings and events until he did.

"Let's go to happy hour. It's nearly low tide and there is a bar that I want to map for a fishing trip," said 'Kansas Larry.'

"Anyone seen the Reverend," I asked about our designated driver. "He's sorting the new t-shirts," said Boston Bob. We picked him up and off we went on Robert Lee's fishing pontoon boat. There was some grumbling that the stripped bare boat didn't meet our status but, with the moveable plastic molded chairs, it allowed a lot more Back Bay fishing room. Since the fishing was just a 'wife' diversion it looked better going on Bobbies.

After a half hour without anything biting except Lady Fish, we broke it off and headed to the off-site clubhouse. As you know any waterfront restaurant with happy hour is an official clubhouse so we can conduct business there. Since we were in the back bay near Hurricane Pass, we stopped at Nauti Turtle to see Danny, Betty, Billy and Bobby for a cold beer and happy hour hors d' ourves.

The Dec. 3rd Christmas Boat Parade came up in the discussion, and we started planning the 'official' "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" entry. Most of us are excited to either enter a boat or watch the parade from a favorite spot. Everyone thought their boat would be the perfect boat but for one reason or another, we eliminated most because of problems concerning rigging.

"My boat would be perfect," said Boston Bob. He had purchased another sailboat after selling his other boat to support his son in New York, NY. "We can stretch lights up the fore stay and down the back stay and around the shrouds! It's a perfect platform for Christmas lights!"

"I ain't riding on no sailboat," Bonita Billy said adamantly. There was a general agreement by the other members who had trickled in by land.

"That would be a pretty bright Christmas tree," I said meekly because there is a very strong under current against 'blow boaters' in the club. "Why can't we enter and sponsor two boats?"

"Maybe we can get the Nauti Turtle to sponsor the second boat? Or Nervous Nellie's or Doc Fords. The list is long already so they may have a boat but it's worth a try. To bad Matanzas Inn Restaurant is already taken, it's one of our favorite clubhouses," said Cincinnati Bob.

"I can't understand any local business not wanting to sponsor a boat, especially waterfront restaurants? It's so cheap! Anyway, we got a few days to go, but Dec. 3rd is just over the hill so lets start work," I said.

"Back to Turkey Day! I'm inviting all of you to my Turkey Fry. I promise not to blow it up this year," said 'Nu Joisey' Norm.

So, Happy Thanksgiving to all of our members and all you readers who are wasting time reading this. Remember, never try to fry a frozen Turkey!

Boatguy Ed is a retired bottom paint manufacturer (Super Shipbottom), a life long boater, extremely intelligent and a volunteer on his son's TV show (Boater's Treasures) that sells local discounts. He's also nominated himself for a Pulitzer Prize, but needs a co-nominator. Any volunteers?



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