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Boating: Happy New Year from DECYC

December 28, 2011
By boatguy Ed , Fort Myers Beach Bulletin, Fort Myers Beach Observer

I bet you're a little sick of all the 2011 lists, best music, movies and events. Looking back always makes me wish I had been better, done more and performed any of my 2011 tasks differently. I could list them chronologically or alphabetically the regrets are on a very short list.

I do wish I could take back the hurtful things I said to 'Run-aground Ralph and Captain Crunch during the occasional arguments we have over boating techniques and skills. It's a well-known fact that I am a much more skillful boater than either one of them. Just ask me. Still I regret questioning their sanity, mostly because I'm sure they are in mid-stage Alzheimer disease.

I'm thankful for my family. It has been a pretty good year overall. My television star son isn't doing the television show anymore because he'd rather make real money. Saving people money on dining certificates just wasn't that rewarding for him or the people who saved 50 percent at local waterfront dining establisments. Mrs. Boatguy is still fantastic but her mother was in the hospital over Christmas, now recovering nicely.

Me, what can I say? The boat runs good and my wife is making enough money from selling the world's best bottom paint to give me gas money; my dog is fat but healthy. Life is good, so far. Every week I am a millionaire, until they draw the numbers. I also have a slew of great places for happy hour.

Point in fact: just before Christmas I was presented with the prototype of the Bayside Bar & Grille's soon-to-be-newest menu item, Beach Bread! I am sure they will call it 'Bayside Bread' but it was delicious whatever they call it. I don't usually accept Christmas gifts but since I've been politicking for Beach Bread and it smelled so good, what the heck.

Back to 'Run-aground Ralph.' He was showing a newbie "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" member the shortcut to a fishing hole behind little Shell Island when he ran aground, duh? Then he wants to defend his actions at a happy hour meeting at the Big Game Waterfront Bar and Grill. Maybe it's the pressure of inducting so many new members but we got into a shouting match.

"You think you know everything, but you don't! I've been boating here 25 years, and I'll stack my record against any of yours," shouted Ralph. His claim drew a round oh hoots and jeers. I almost felt sorry for him because he had been trying to help the newbie.

Just then an observer came over to inquire if this gathering was our Christmas party. He'd read the last column, but it had not completely been absorbed. "No it isn't. We are celebrating Russian Christmas on Thursday, Jan. 5, at a secret happy hour location."

"What do you mean secret? Maybe I want to join in?" I explained to him that anyone could come but everyone had to RSVP to my e-mail address (, so that we could better plan the event. He promised he would and went away happy.

"He'll forget," said Boston Bob. "How many have you received so far?"

"Surprisingly few. Not sure why but maybe some folks are intimidated by us yacht club types. We're just regular folk who like getting together and shoot the breeze," I said.

"If you'd let more sailors in then the crowd would be larger," said Boston Bob.

Again with the hoots and jeers. "We don't restrict this yacht club to just power boaters, we just took in a social member that has a kayak," said 'Cap'n Crunch.'

"If that kayak had a sail, he wouldn't have been accepted," said Bob.

"They're just pulling your leg again, Bob. You are spending too much time driving that taxi and with Mrs. BB. You need to get with us and do a little verbal jousting," I said.

"Airport transportation, not taxi. We don't pick up off the curb," Bob corrected me.

"You know I'm sitting right here," said Mrs. BB, "but I always tell him that he needs more time on the boat or with you lunkheads." Point in fact.

"Now be nice honey, they're just kidding," said Bob with a big grin on his face. "And our son has found a better job, and I may be able to stop driving and go back living on my pension."

"That will be good news to all those potential passengers who won't have to drive with you," said Cap'n Crunch.

It never stops, nor should it.

On my list of resolutions, I've included hanging around more with these back breakers in 2012. All the other resolutions may fall by the wayside, as usual, but I'm going to keep this one.

Happy New Year and hope to see you at the Russian Christmas party on the 5th of January. E-mail for the location.

(ITALICS) Boatguy Ed is a a retired bottom paint manufacturer. His wife now makes the paint, Super Shipbottom, He was a volunteer on his Son's TV show, Boater's Treasure TV until the Groupon clones drove the restaurants to give up on half priced coupons and television advertising. Send all comments to



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