To the editor:
A very troubling fact has recently come to my attention, a rise in theft.
These thefts occur in parks, parking lots and even our own backyards. I have tried to take precautions against them but nothing seems to work. It starts out as a 'Thank you' pile of bread crumbs for the song bird outside the window, but soon his friends will want some of this free food too and it turns into a flock of spiteful beasts that lurk around outside your home waiting for you to exit with their next meal.
If you resist their advances they will take revenge. These cruel birds have been known to scream during the early hours of the day in an attempt to awaken everyone and force them out of the home with breakfast. If you happen to be strong willed enough not to give in before the sun rises all the way up, you will find that these crooks have vandalized your car.
These birds don't only target us, they go after our kids too. Being slightly shorter, children are small enough for the larger species of fowl to intimidate and have often been seen chasing a child. Even more shocking is the hold these creatures have on the older generations. These kind people take on the responsibility of placating the vile animals in an attempt to keep them from bothering the children. They sacrifice entire loaves of bread so that we can get to work unharassed. But it's time we stand up for ourselves and stop these petty, vindictive birds from stealing from the elderly!