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Word definitions relating to the auto industry

March 13, 2013
by Larry DeHays , Fort Myers Beach Bulletin, Fort Myers Beach Observer

I have decided that the main problem with the world is a lack of communication. This means you aren't doing a good enough job of listening to me. At least that's the way wives define it. Husbands may not agree. Therein, you see, lies the root of the problem, a lack of agreement in the definition of words.

Just like the government, I'm here to help. Of course I have to stay in the automotive genre, (Webster says that word means a "kind", "type" or "sort", I thought kind meant not mean, type was what I'm doing writing this, and sort is what I do with my shorts and socks.) but I digress. This definition thing is not easy. The following words, which you thought you understood, are up for review;

- ANTICLIMACTIC: When you wait for a long line of oncoming cars to pass so that you can pull out, and the last car in the line slows and stops to let you out. It would have been faster if he kept going. Also, while having marital relations, you hear a knock on the door. Or that might be ANTICLIMAXIC, they seem like similar words. Or when you don't believe it is actually getting hotter, but that might be ANTICLIMATIC WARMING, I'm not sure.

- FRUSTRATION: What happens when you are waiting to pull out, watching a long line of cars, and as an opening comes along you look the other way and a long line of bicycle riders is wobbling down the sidewalk and crossing in front of you. They all have the same color shirts and some try to wave at you, nearly losing control of the bikes in the process. You understand that the adage, "Look both ways before crossing the street," does not apply to bicycles crossing side streets. If they tried to look behind themselves while riding, they could be garroted by a telephone pole guy wire, so they keep their eyes riveted on the butt of the rider ahead. Caveat driverus, (driver beware, or beware of driver, I don't know). Relax, they'll be gone just as the next onslaught of traffic reaches you.

- USELESS: Turn signals on vehicles from Ohio. I keep telling them that it doesn't cost extra. Leashes for walking your cat. Road signs urging slower traffic to use the right lane. Don't hate me, Buckeyes, I'm from Ohio, and when I retire I'm going to Ohio and driving slow in the fast lane. Wait, they don't have a fast lane. Nuts (buckeyes).

- PAINS: What a columnist takes trying to remain politically correct. People who talk loudly in quiet restaurants. People using NEXTEL anywhere. Tourists who get on the road during rush hours. Clerks who turn their backs to you when you walk up to them. Gas price fluctuations driven by black magic. Northerners explaining how it's done up there. Southerners who don't care how it's done up there. Spring breakers cramming hotel rooms, bars and convenience stores. On the no-pain side, though, they do remind us what we used to look like. Although that could be a pain, also. Definitions vary.



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